Find YOUR happy not theirs

There are times when you don't have all the answers and you don't have anybody to ask for the best idea because even though they won't admit it, they don't know what that is themselves. We are looking for answers outside of ourselves that's very deep within ourselves. I am on a journey to find that which is deep within me day by day by day before my Days end, I know I will find it.

You all take heed to that and enjoy whatever pieces of what you've found that you're starting to put together. You've earned it-you deserve it. It's time to live it. Your truths, Your happy.

Get out. Go get it. Its there.

I am not my SKIN...

So today I was in a car accident, though it wasn't my fault, I was very shaken up & panicked hoping the other party was alright although I was clearly banged up.  I called 911 & was told to remove myself from the road and advise the other party to do the same...I do as 911 told me to do after getting off the road, only to be met with a man in the passenger seat rolling his window down & holding his hand up as to ward me away, telling me to get away from them and "We're just fine you B*tch, MF and N*gger" all in the same breath.

My father, rest his soul, actually won a lawsuit regarding the same type of accident, mostly by default because the other party was yelling the same expletives in court with no shame. Mind you, this was over 22 yrs ago. I remember like yesterday because the offensive word was also written all over his car while at the auto shop.  My question is to you & those who think like you: Why is my skin color so offensive to you? Am I not humankind like you? And why was my mind so concerned with your welfare, regardless of what you looked like? Why do I deserve so much hatred? And why (even though I watch the news too & know & witness at Times the differences in how different races are treated at times-I have an entire family heritage of stories to prove it-But you know that already, right?), did I not automatically go into a rage because YOU actually hurt me?

Why are our spirits & hearts so different towards eachother or just period for that matter? Whatever your reason(s) is/are, I pray for our God or whomever your higher power is, to cleanse your heart of such hate towards those who don't look like you or share your bloodline. I'm still glad And thanking My God that no one was extremely injured. But I want you to know, although you give me doubts daily with your actions, you will never break my spirit or cause me to harbor hate in my heart for you or others. You only help me grow in my knowledge & prepare me for my next possible negative interaction.  We were all created in the same image. Believe it or not, your blood, spirits, hearts and souls ate exactly like mine.  #FatherForgiveThemForTheyKnowNotWhatTheyDo.

Why we function the way we do when we feel what we feel...Something to think about.

Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.

First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.

Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.

Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. 

Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing, or so we have been told. "Patrick Rothfuss"

Not in Kansas anymore

Have you ever finally did the one thing that you feared the most?  Maybe it was trying a new food, or maybe you finally got the guts to do that open-mic night that all your friends convinced you would be a kill.  For me, it was moving to a new place.  Well, I guess i can't really call it new, since I was born there a few decades ago and had relatives there that I talk to pretty frequently.  But it was new in the sense that I hadn't actually lived there since a kid and everything has grown so much, it's pretty much like being in a foreign country and always having to stand there for what seems like eternity to translate the new currency to what you have in your pocket.  Yes, I could at last quote my favorite line in a movie 'To-do, we're not in Kansas anymore'.  For me, Kansas would be Atlanta and the new-but very old place would be Nashville.

So what do you do when you're in a new place and it feels in every way like everything is in a foreign language and you don't know where to start to understand?  You could easily reach out to relatives, but then what do you do when these easy-to-reach out to relatives are your Auntie Em's and Uncles?  It can be daunting to say the least.  In a place where it seems a lot like every one is dying to be the same, how do you continue to dare to be different, without sticking out like a sore thumb?  The answer, I'm afraid my friends is not an easy one.  I've searched high and low and I'm still searching for the right anecdote to what can be almost the hardest thing to do and what many fear...starting over in a new place.  Especially a place that you vowed you could never see yourself coming back to.  I'm still using my one days-at-a-time to pull it together.  But maybe there's not a one fell swoop solution, maybe it's a day-by-day transition that you don't really realize you've figured out, until the one moment you do. 

Well, here's hoping that you do better than I in facing your biggest fear and find as many things as possible to make your transition sweet instead of laboring over the actual task itself day after day after day like I have.  Do your due diligence to pat yourself on the back every chance you get for making the actual leap of faith, for abandoning your fear and throwing anxiety out the window.  Why?  Because the journey will probably not be the easiest and during the rainy, snowy or otherwise dreary days, won't be the most fun.  But one thing will be certain, you no longer spoke about it, imagined it or dreamed of how it would be, you actually got your butt up and did it.  You moved clear across the unimaginable and claimed your spot of accreditation.  Maybe being out of place isn't so bad after all, maybe it's just what we need to know just how far we can go because we've pushed ourselves outside of our limits.  Here's to Us! Here's to You! Here's to the future and the hell with those fears!

Signed,
So out of place...